New bike

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid replies, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

SHEEP

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.

Medicine in my Country is So Advanced

Four doctors were talking shop one day...

An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor said "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."
A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah! We took an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country was looking for work the next day!"

Dam Fish

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.
He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!"

Bear hunting

Every year, Bob goes hunting during bear season. One year, Bob goes hunting, and shoots a small brown bear. Then, the mother of that small brown bear comes up to him and says, " I'll give you two choices, I'll either kill you, or make love to you, but I won't let you go."

Bob thinks on this, and decides he wants to live, so the mother bear then makes love to him.

The next year, Bob goes hunting again, but this time, he shoots the mother bear that he was forced to make love to the year before. He shoots her, and her mother comes after Bob, and again, gives him the choice. "I will make love to you, or kill you, which will it be??"

Again, Bob makes love to a bear.

The next year, Bob goes once again for revenge, and kills the bear that he was forced to make love to the year before.

This time, her sister comes up to Bob and says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

funny advices!!!!

HOW DO YOU KEEP MILK FROM TURNING SOUR???

• you keep it in the cow

TO REMOVE DUST FROM THE EYE???

• pull the eye down over the nose

FOR A NOSE BLEED???

• put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops

PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME
more coming soon

Marinčič

We have lost one of ours for 2 weeks... We are hoping for his safe return... have fun and...

New year´s resolutions (KAVC)

i have all rady broken 2 of them...

i will study more (never did never will... and i hope that i will never have to)
i will help around (yea...as if... maby in faraway future)

Dolphin vs Cow

Now i have seen everything

Wife's birthday

  Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor,
 an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was
 drinking his white wine he said, "For her
 birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur
 coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she
 doesn't like the fur coat she will still
 love me because she got a diamond ring."
 As the attorney was drinking his martini
 he said, "For my wife's birthday, I'm going
 to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
 This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will
 still love me because she got the gold bracelet."
 As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey
 he said, "I'm going to buy my wife a T-shirt
 and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
 the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"

No $

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would
like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an
hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble
task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,


Dad